Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Pushing the Reset Button

The last two nights I have had dreams where I was drowning. I don't normally remember dreams. I remember these because I woke right after the dream. Yesterday when we went to the grocery store I had what can only be described as road rage in the grocery aisle. I thought I was going to have to ear hole some woman with a pork tenderloin to get her and her sidekick to get out of the lane. Just move along ladies there’s shopping to be done. Then I lambasted some collection agency shill that called and tried to dun me for an HSBC MasterCard bill I don't owe or own. It was great, they called and gave me the perfect opportunity to be a complete asshole, and I took them up on it. 

I recognize the signs; I can feel it in the back of my head and the middle of my neck. I'm a bit overwhelmed and burnt out which leads to some pretty pissy behavior on my part. And, trust me; I’m pretty much an equal opportunity jerk at these times.

I need to get out of here for a couple of days. I need to push the reset button. So, I am reaching for the debauchery and sin that is Las Vegas, tomorrow. By this time tomorrow I will be floating with the other flotsam and jetsam of society through some smoke-filled casino. It is my way of completely getting away and changing my mind set.

Vegas is a place I can go and reset. I think it is because you can be completely immersed in the lights, the mechanics, the engineering of the casinos. I think it is because Las Vegas has nothing to do with reality. It's not real money, it's only chips. Time is not important. Nothing is real there. It’s a great place to go and temporarily forget and if you are careful, recharge.

As a full time caregiver you get a lot of friendly well meaning advice. Getting away and doing something completely different is the best advice I have received. My wonderful daughter and her boy Lyle will be headed to Waco as I arrive in Vegas. Having this kind of back up is invaluable. Our three caregivers are ready and prepared for my departure and we have made the obligatory pre-flight check with the Great and Wise to make sure Marty is well oiled and maintained.

Marty is doing well, infections are at bay, and asthma is under control, for now, so now is the time for just a couple of days of escapist fare for Marty’s husband. I hope to return to my bride with a bit more patience and understanding in a couple of days. I hope that the next time we hit the grocery store I can politely “ahem” the ladies blocking the aisle and not want to assault them. I hope another collection agent will call me…because I’ll still be a jerk to them, sorry, I don’t owe you any money so don’t call me again.

1 comment:

Pam said...

Hi there :) You're entitled (IMHO) to have a little blow now and then...and much deserving of this rest! Blessings to you for what you do... I know it's a work of love but that doesn't mean it's not (at times) difficult work!
Thanks for your kind words at my blog. Keep the faith