Monday, May 18, 2009

Staying Out of the Hospital

In our life we sort of mark the days by how long it has been since the last doctor's visit, or last trip to the emergency room or the last hospitalization. Of late, we've done pretty well. We spend a lot of time with the good Dr. Martindale and his crack staff, but we haven't seen the inside of Providence since November (I'm knocking on wood even as we speak).

Marty has suffered from a number of bouts with upper respiratory infections but we have managed to stay on top of them and keep them in check. Every day we are not in the hospital is a good day to me. Marty has a really good friend, we will call her Dr. LB to preserve her reputation, always told her, "stay out of hospitals, bad stuff happens there". Good advise, lots of nasty bugs running around all those sick people.

And yes, I think I did break her ribs or at least tear some cartilage in her rib wall. We went to see the good Dr this afternoon where they managed once more to squeeze us into their really busy day at Providence Family Medicine. And no, I didn't crush my bride. I was trying to get her into the back seat of the car and we got stuck, so being the "bull in the china closet kind of guy" I thought I would just gently lift her up and move he about six inches. I lifted and things kind of popped and it hurt her. I really hate that. Marty gets "handled" so often, and I know she really doesn't like that and then I go and break her rib, genius.

So one more bullet in the old guilt gun. Marty has become such a sweet person, she always says the right thing. I say, "I'm sorry", she always says, "It's okay, I'm fine". Then I say, "I hate it when I hurt you like that", she then looks at me with those sweet blue eyes and says, "so do I". Got to love her.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Oh dad...I know that the amount of responsibility that you feel is unimaginable...I see it when you are anxious about her when she is sick or tired or simply have a bad day, and I feel a "smidge" of that responsibility for her well-being as well. To this I say what you have said to me so many times: Just keep doing the very best that you can everyday and that is enough. You are not going to do the wrong thing, for as Mom has so wonderfully instilled in me, ultimately control is mostly just an illusion.

I know that this may not help when you feel as though you are responsible for "hurting" her or exacerbating some "sickness" that she already had, but perhaps it can help keep things in perspective. You are doing amazing, grace-filled, most days thankless, precious, anxiety-producing, necessary, sometimes monotonous and never-ending work everyday, and I know that you would (mostly) not have it any other way. Thank you for what you do. I am amazed. I love you...