A Real Rock Star

I’m not sure why I am always a bit surprised when people go out of their way to help us, but, from time to time people extend themselves and make you feel special.

Getting in our dentist’s office is no easy trick.  You have to go in one door, make a sharp left, open the inner door, turn Marty’s wheelchair while holding both doors and then enter.  The receptionist met us at the door and looked at us kind of funny, it made me wonder.

As we walked in the last door the receptionist watched us make our way in and started looking at her computer.  It dawned on me, they hadn’t called to confirm our appointment, ah man? 

I asked, “Are we here on the wrong day?”

She said, “That’s what I’m looking at, I don’t think we have you scheduled.”

“Nope, you’re here a week early, Marty’s appointment is next week at p.m.”

My brain finally engaged; it was the last Wednesday in August not the first weekend in September, our appointment of course was in September.  What a moron, I even had it written down correctly in my planner, I just hadn’t looked.

The receptionist said, “Hang on, we may be able to work you in.”

She left, we sat, Marty smirked, I squirmed and apologized a couple of extra times for good measure.

“Yep, we can get her in, just wait a bit.”

“A bit” turned out to be about five minutes.  We did the teeth cleaning thing which I hate only a little less than Marty and were in and out in about 45 minutes.  We were done a week early.

As we walked out past the receptionist desk I apologized again and said thank you.  The receptionist said, “No problem, you guys are rock stars here.”

Two days before all of this we had been at the office of Great and Wise to get blood drawn for lab tests.  As a result of Marty’s recent hospital stays we have been working with an infectious disease doctor and they wanted to check her immunoglobulin levels.  In short we are checking Marty’s antibody markers to see if they are working right.  (I have now explained all I understand about that)

The infectious disease doc’s office was supposed to have faxed over specific orders to Great and Wise’s office to make the right kind of blood draw.  Of course that had not happened.  No biggie, Great and Wise’s most excellent nursing staff got on the case and in a few minutes they had the orders in hand and had figured out what to do.

Personally, I never miss a chance when they get blood from Marty to do a CBC or complete blood count to check her white blood count to check for infections.  I mean she already has a needle in her arm she’s already bleeding into a tube they just have to fill one extra tube.  They filled the tube we agreed to touch base in a day or two and we left.

It normally takes 24 hours for the lab to run the tests and we generally get a call for the office with the result of the tests.  Tuesday we didn’t get a call but that was not unusual as Great and Wise shuts his office down at noon on Tuesday.  I called them on Wednesday while we were at the dentist’s office waiting to get back to the hygienist.

I called, gave them my information and told the lady just have the nurse call me back.

The nurse, one of our faves, called a couple of hours later and immediately started to apologize.  She said she didn’t know what happened but the lab had never received the vial of blood for the CBC.  She felt bad and said, “I’ve already talked to Great and Wise and I can come by your house in the morning to draw Marty’s blood again.  I don’t want you guys to have to get out and come up here, I’ll come there.”

Well, I was a bit floored and protested.  I told her that’s okay, thank you very much but you don’t have to do that we will come in the first of next week.  We hung up with her apologizing and me forgiving her for something that wasn’t really her fault or that big of a deal.

About five minutes later the phone rang and this time it was the office administrator, another of our faves.  She said, “She’s coming out tomorrow morning, we want to do this, it’s not that much trouble, she will call when she heads to your house.”

Okay, that’s what she did, April came to our house and while Marty slept and I stood there with bed head she drew blood.  We got the results the following day and Marty’s white count is normal, she is fine.

Marty’s life, her journey, is a struggle in progress.  She is in a constant fight for some sense of normal living.  She is, to so many who know and care for her, an example of living within the sometimes dark parameters of her life and because she does it with grace and dignity the people around her, at times, treat her like a rock star. 

It always makes my day.

So, Miley and you other wanna be rock stars, keep your tongue in your mouth and maybe come check my wife, come see how a real rock star rolls.

Negotiating Implants

Marty and I are in daily negotiations about getting her implants.  I tend to think she should get them, she says no way no how.  We are talking dental implants not the other kind…I personally like the natural stuff.

Marty has several upper teeth that are just not doing well.  They are loose and getting looser as a consequence of medicine and genetics.  As a disclaimer and clarification I have to say Marty was a fanatic about dental hygiene but it never mattered, she had bad gums and bone loss.  Having a third party take care of your teeth just makes the whole situation more tenuous.

We have been to see the oral surgeon, a doctor we shall call “Dr. Oral Surgeon”, twice.  He’s clearly skilled, has impeccable credentials, a really cool office, talks to Marty, talks to me and makes a lot of sense.  He’s not doing a hard sale on the implants but he really believes we have to do something in the not too distant future.  Implants, to me, seem to be the best “bridge” to the future for Marty, dental wise.

Marty says she likes him and she listens intently to what he is saying and the questions I ask.  On our first visit I introduced Marty to the doctor and started my usual patter, trying to put a human face on her.  I explained her medical history to Dr. Oral Surgeon and I explained her life history, briefly.  I told him that Marty was an educational psychologist who at one time worked educating family practice doctors.

Marty listened to my stories about her, and I could see her perk up about the time I started laying out her previous career.  She took the opportunity and looked at Dr. Surgeon and just as dryly as she could muster she said with an air of mental health arrogance, “And how do you feel about that?”  The business liaison lady who was standing there taking all of this immediately fell in love with Marty. 

As part of this whole negotiation process I’m trying to convince not only Marty, but myself, that these implants are the best thing for her, long term.  That’s different for me; I’m looking at this long term.  I have moved past the short term view, I have moved past the idea that Marty won’t be here much longer so long term cures are something to consider.  It’s kind of an odd thing to consider, but this is a different world view for me and for Marty.

When someone is chronically ill like Marty, when someone has walked on the edge of death, like Marty, thinking in terms of the out years seems capricious and fate tempting.  You look at things differently, you actually think about whether short term pain and discomfort is worth any gain because you might not experience the gain for very long.  This change has required a change in our decision making process, it has added a new level of complexity to the whole deal.  It’s good; it’s just a different view.

I also want Marty to make this decision, a decision that creates some risk and pain to her life, of her own volition.  Sometimes in caring for her I have to make executive decisions about her care without consulting or listening to her objections.  For example, she never ever wants to be in the hospital or go to the doctor.  That doesn’t make sense so sometimes I have to overrule her; she’s not a child, she’s an adult, but she is compromised, thus the negotiation.

Marty has been pretty adamant she was not digging the whole implant process; she has not budged on her position.  I finally told her that’s fine, that we should just continue to talk about it.  I told her I would bring up the idea of implants every now and then and that maybe we could come to the conclusion that she needed to have the work done.  

“Does that sound like a successful plan?” I asked.  “Do you think that will get us there?”

She looked at me, straight into my eyes, without a flicker of a grin and said, “I don’t know, it’s sure not my plan.”

That’s where we are.  She doesn’t want to do it; it’s not in her plans at all.  She is worried about the pain; she can’t get past the fact that her teeth don’t currently bother her.  I understand her trepidation, the whole dental thing freaks me out, I really don’t like the dentist.  Sorry, I had bad experiences early.

The good news is that we have options, or at least we don’t have to do anything now.  I fear if we wait too long our options will be limited and we don’t want that.  The other good news is that Marty Jean is fully engaged in the process and in her own inimitable fashion she is having her say.  

I like that part of Marty, I always have, it takes patience, but I like that part.  Now I just have to find a plan where we have agreement.  Our negotiations continue and somehow I feel like I’m in familiar territory…..the short end of the negotiation.